We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
