WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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