I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
