He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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