She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
