Will you blow on my dice?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
