Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
