I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
