Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
