I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
