bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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