Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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