I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
