This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
