What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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