I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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