the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
