Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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