Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
