I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
