first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
