hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
