No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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