the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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