yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
