mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We have started to decorate penises.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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