Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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