did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
