It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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