God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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