I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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