my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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