OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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