He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I could fuck to npr.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
