he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
