yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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