Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
