i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
