they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
