I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
