well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
