Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
