I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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