420 ftw
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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