Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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