The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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