A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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