My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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