Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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