Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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