If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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