the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
