new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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